I know, I know. I’m crazy. I’m weird. And I’m serious.
School is just… comfortable. It’s the only thing I know how to work my way through. Teachers are always there to guide me and to tell me what to do. I know what will happen today and the next day and maybe the whole week. On weekends, my friends and I would either gather in someone’s apartment for a movie marathon or drink and dance to the same, horribly-mixed songs.
And then the cycle continues.
Attend my classes. Go back to the dorm. Lie down. Eat dinner with friends. Go back to the dorm. Finish homework. Sleep (optional).
Unlike the “real world,” school has a routine. Unpredictability can only be reduced to mere tests in most cases. There are plans and timetables. It’s organized and, oftentimes, well-thought-out.
The “real world” adults love warning graduates about is the complete opposite. It’s… It’s hell, really. Whatever plans I had were all taken down. That’s all. That’s why I’m sitting here writing about wanting to go back to school.
Anyway, here’s a post about my college bag.
I went to college with the goal of turning into this ‘girly’ girl, so I brought some of my mom’s handbags with me. I thought that maybe it would be an achievable first step. Of course, it wasn’t reasonable. Carrying notebooks and books inside a leather handbag isn’t really smart. I knew that bag wasn’t meant to last.
The popularity of indoor plants has grown on social media. They’re practically everywhere. It’s a new millennial aesthetic. Add some cute succulents on your photo and it’ll be like those shelves on Pinterest. Why is everyone suddenly into indoor plants? Is it only because they look good after choosing the right filter?
I have a theory… because I got a few of them recently.
Here’s a little bit of a back story
I graduated from college four months ago, and I still haven’t found a job. I’ve applied to tons and tons of companies but no one seems to be hiring me. I have freelance work that landed me in starting this blog. Even so, that’s not a consistent source of income.
What they don’t tell you in schools is that most of the time, things don’t turn out the way you planned them to. As the writer, Ian Casocot, wrote on Facebook, “Graduation is a heartbreak nobody tells you about.”
I thought I’d find a job right away, especially with my above average grades. I thought I’d prove people wrong about writing. Is it too much to believe that there’s money in writing in the Philippines?
This failure to reach high expectations caused me too much disappointment. I never thought having this many existential drifts is possible.
I’m positive that things will come back to normal eventually. Hence, the indoor plants. Doesn’t it sound so far-fetched? I can explain.
Four years ago, I started talking to a guy I kinda liked more than I should have. I was sixteen and I didn’t know how to handle the butterflies in my stomach (as people would say). It was the first time I waited for texts and stayed up late to hold a conversation for a person I felt something “special” with. Of course, I was fun and I never stopped blushing until the texts stopped coming and I fell asleep waiting for my phone to ring.
I remember staring at the ceiling still desperately clenching on to my phone. Nothing arrived. I reached for my journal—a red college notebook perfect for the precocious emotions I was going through.
I revisited the article I submitted to CandyMag four years ago. It’s a bit pretentious, but it pretty much sums up my experience of a teenage heartbreak.